how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize