I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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