theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
