I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
