I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
