I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
