How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
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