if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I queefed so loud it echoed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
