In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
