hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
