But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
