I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
