Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
