This is not my ceiling
People in love make me want to vomit
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
