She is in my trunk
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
