Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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