Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
