I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
