Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
