His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
