I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
