ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
