What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
