Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
