Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Pants are for mortals
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
where are my eyebrows?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
