Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
