You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize