suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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