I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
