im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
is it fun? or sober?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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