i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
