lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
