I hate all girls vehemently.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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