i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i love accidental penises.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
