Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
