Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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