i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
