Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
