Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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