dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
