you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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