she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
