Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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