I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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