hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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