the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
