Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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