seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
