apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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