if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is Oprah even human
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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