I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
