isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
