oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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