I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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