she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
