very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
