I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize