Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
