i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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