There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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