I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
