Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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