in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's shark week go big or go home
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