So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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