so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
