sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
