my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
