Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
