Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
