I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
