My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
