There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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