eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
