This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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