I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
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I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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