they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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